Cutty

It is a wonder how fast those first five months have gone.  Soon, we will be celebrating Christmas.  I keep going back to the goals I've set in the beginning of the year.  I do not even know what we will achieve by the end of the year.  Some plans didn't work out.  Some days, I feel that we are being pushed farther and farther away from our plans.   It is painful to witness how things turned out.  I am constantly assessing.  Am I being led away?  Is this for me? I just have to keep moving forward, one step at a time.  Before we know it, I am there. 

So, that is what it feels like to be heartbroken.  I haven't cried this much in years.  Yes, hagulgol levels. It is so painful that I could barely function.  I cancelled my commitments.  I prayed for months and I prayed hard.  A lot of people did the work but it wasn't enough.   I cry for our country.  I cry for what could have been.  I expect that the tears will continue to flow.  Until when? Who knows?   This was our chance, how did we blow it?  I was hoping to see true reformation in this lifetime.   The road to acceptance is long and hard.   For now, I guess, I will just cry it out.