Cutty

When a family member gets sick, my world stops.  It is not because I am crippled by anxiety.  The mental load is heavier. I can function but my attention is divided.  It is so time-consuming that I can not do anything else. The endless waiting in the ER, the battery of tests to determine if it is an upper respiratory tract infection, UTI, Dengue or Covid, the monitoring of temperature.  Hay.  Whatever it is, we try to contain it so no one else gets it.  Otherwise, the cycle will not end. Now that things are going back to our new normal, I am trying my best to catch up.  The backlog is enormous.  But, I am glad that I am slowly ticking off items from my list.  

Ever since the pandemic started, I haven't really attended any big gathering.  When I say big, I mean more than 20 people in a small enclosed space.  But, yesterday, I had to be present at such a gathering.  It was my cousin's wedding and I was asked to sing a few songs. I was surprised at how some people have such confidence in themselves that they are Covid-free and that they are not going to get the virus.  It was so alarming to see so many people in the wedding industry who have their masks improperly worn.  Photographers, musicians, sound technicians.  Some are completely without them in spite of constant reminders and big posters.  I was so nervous for myself and my family, most importantly for the newlyweds.  I couldn't bear staying in there that I had to step out.  That was when I realized I was weak and nearly shaking.  I was already regretting my decision to go to the reception.   Before settling down at the reception...

I usually have a tolerance for stress.  I just cry it out and carry on.  But what cripples and weakens me is when someone close to me has a health issue.  This is my waterloo.  I guess, it is everyone's waterloo.   During this pandemic, I am scared of hearing the most dreaded news.  How do you prepare yourself for such an occurrence? How do you prepare your children for this?  How do you break the news to them? This is the ultimate heartbreaker.  Do you tell them to just cry it out and carry on? I apologize for such a depressing post.