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Near Anxiety Attack

Ever since the pandemic started, I haven't really attended any big gathering.  When I say big, I mean more than 20 people in a small enclosed space.  But, yesterday, I had to be present at such a gathering.  It was my cousin's wedding and I was asked to sing a few songs.

I was surprised at how some people have such confidence in themselves that they are Covid-free and that they are not going to get the virus.  It was so alarming to see so many people in the wedding industry who have their masks improperly worn.  Photographers, musicians, sound technicians.  Some are completely without them in spite of constant reminders and big posters.  I was so nervous for myself and my family, most importantly for the newlyweds.  I couldn't bear staying in there that I had to step out.  That was when I realized I was weak and nearly shaking.  I was already regretting my decision to go to the reception.  

Before settling down at the reception table, I knew I couldn't stay quiet.  I spoke with their head technician to remind his production crew to mask up.  The waiters' faces were covered.  The other guests' faces were covered.  Why weren't they covering their faces? They weren't eating so it wasn't necessary to keep their masks off their faces.  

Why is it that we always have to police other people to ensure that rules are followed?  Some people would bend the rules if they think they can get away with it.  It was so frustrating!  

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This just proves that I am not ready to be out there.  I am fully vaccinated but I am not ready to put my guard down.  I feel safest in my own bubble, surrounded by people who are equally cautious.

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I heard someone mention that I am being overly protective. I have 5 people under my care, all have co-morbidities.  Four of them are minors who aren't vaccinated.  I am taking all necessary precautions to stop the transmission of this virus.  I hope other people think the same way.  

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