There were times when I wondered how a particular couple survived years of being married to each other. Because if I were in her position, I wouldn't last. Then, it dawned on me... because we are different people.
So, is there really a secret to a successful marriage? I am hardly THE person to give advice on this topic, so I am not handing out any advice. However, I might be able to give some tips based on my observations.
First, know that what worked for others may not work for you. Another couple's priorities, needs or quirks may be different from your own. Understanding this is very basic and removes all other assumptions. I used to wonder, how can this man take all this nagging from his wife? My husband wouldn't have any of that. That's because they are different people.
Values. It would help if you and your spouse share the same values. Having the same values will lead to fewer arguments down the road. Do you value your faith? Do you value your vacation time? How do you feel about your spouse taking personal time? It is also important to know if you both value your marriage in the same way.
Define the roles you play in your marriage. Will this marriage be a partnership or should one step up to be the leader? Who will be the decision-maker? Will it be a single-income family or not? When you understand each other's key roles in the marriage, it will be easier to fill the gap. It would help if these were defined before the wedding. Ours developed into a partnership kind of marriage. We share the load of responsibilities. When the other gets too burdened, the other steps in to help out. My husband can be relied on to tend to the kids and do housework. I also rely on him to be the provider of the family. I've seen marriages where the woman takes charge and makes the key decisions. It worked for them. I guess, it depends on the personality of the husband and the wife and the compromises they've made to each other.
Communication. My husband and I run on the same wavelength. We often finish each other's sentences. However, there are still times when we had to communicate what we need from each other. Depending on our disposition and current state of mind, there are times when thoughts are not aligned. Through the years, I've learned that telepathy doesn't work on my husband. Or maybe, he was just being dense.
Finances. How should you handle the financial aspect of the marriage? What are your financial goals?
Prayer. I always believed that we have to pray to find our "perfect" match. We also have to pray for our spouses. Because when trials come, prayers and faith are all you have.
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There really is no sure-fire answer to this billion-dollar question. Marriage is a work in progress. Its success relies on how much work each party is willing to give.
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